Kenn Crawford Author, Podcaster

A Short Story by Kenn Crawford

I will never forget the first time I died. I mean, how could I? I was twelve years old, not to mention its not everyday you get to experience a life changing moment like dying. I was playing in woods behind our house and that’s when I got the bright idea to built a raft and sail across the pond. It wasn’t a pond really, it was more like a giant marsh. It was pretty big across but it was only a few feet deep. The bottom was all muddy and sticky so I always had to walk around it. But this one day I decided to built a raft and sail across it. I figured if Huck Finn could float down the Mississippi river with that runaway slave fella, going across a marsh would be a piece of cake.

My great marsh adventure failed miserably. I guess the fact that I didn’t actually know how to build a raft might of had something to do with it, or maybe chopping down trees with a dull hatchet was a lot more work than I thought it would be. My little raft wasn’t exactly up the Huck Finn’s standards and it wasn’t until later on I learned that Huck Finn wasn’t even a real person! That little tidbit of information would have been especially helpful before my imagination decided to go rafting.

My imagination was never the problem, it thought of a lot of cool ways to built a raft, but my knot tying skills were not about to win me any merit badges, not that I ever was a Girl Scout or anything like that. Now that I think about it I really should have tested the raft before I hopped aboard the S.S. Huckleberry… well I had to name it something.

Shortly after I pushed off shore two things occurred to me: first, I forgot bring a pole or something to keep pushing myself the rest of the way across. I drifted out about ten feet or so and that was it. I just floated in the middle of the marsh and I wasn’t going anywhere. Not to mention my feet were starting to get wet. It didn’t take a genius to know that wasn’t good. The other thing that occurred to me was untying a couple of the knots so I could use one of the poles from the raft was a very, very bad idea. As soon as that first knot came undone, the whole thing came just fell apart.

Instead of just jumping into the muddy water and then trying to figure out how to explain to my mother what happened without getting myself grounded for like, forever, I had the bright idea to balance myself on one of the poles like I watched those logging men do on TV. Log rolling looked like a lot of fun but it’s a lot harder than it looks. For starters, you need a really big log, my raft was made from a bunch of skinny sticks. Not to mention that you are supposed to run forwards and backwards to keep your balance. I was just running full steam in one direction until I eventually ran right off the log. I did manage to stay on it for like a whole ten seconds, but then again, my life was kinda flashing in front of my eyes at the time so maybe it was more like two seconds before the log shot out from under my feet and I landed face first into another log.

I could remember the feeling I had when I saw that log rushing towards my face in slow motion; rushing because everything was happening so fast, and slow because I can clearly remember seeing every little bump on that log right before it punched me in the face. I remember how warm it was that day and how cold and icky the water was; it didn’t smell good at all and I got some of it in my mouth. That was so gross.

I could remember the sound of frogs and crickets and I can even remember how smelly I was from my mother covering me in bug spray. I could never see the point of wearing that stuff because the bugs around the marsh must like it or something because it didn’t do a very good job of stopping them from biting me. I hate fly bites, they get so itchy.

Anyway, I could even remember lying in something that felt squishy and when I looked up at the sky the clouds were all blurry and wavy. They looked like that because I was on the bottom of the marsh looking up. I could remember a lot of things about that day, but the one thing I didn’t remember was standing up. That’s because I didn’t.  That’s because I died.

I did remember a pretty lady in white smiling at me and lifting me up in her arms. That’s when I knew I died and that she was and angel carrying me to heaven. So you can imagine my surprise when I woke up on the shore, spitting up stinky swamp water but there was nobody around. It was just me, the frogs, the crickets and one shoe. I never did find my other one. Maybe that’s why I fell off the log?

It was a really long walk home that day. Not because I only had one shoe, because I had to think of a good excuse to tell my mother why I was covered in mud. I think my imagination must have gotten lost with my other shoe because I couldn’t think of anything, so I did the one thing nobody expected me to do: I told her the truth. She grounded me.

I think the part about dying and being saved by an angel pushed her over the deep end because right after that part, her eyes did that squinting thing grownups do when they stare at you because they are getting too mad to talk. I never know if she’s biting her tongue trying to stay quiet, or plotting evil ways to torture me.

I don’t know why she got so mad. I finally tell the truth and she thinks I am making it up. Go figure. Well she can get mad all she wants, I died and an angel saved me, and one way or the other, I was going to prove it.

When my mother finished yelling at me she sent me to my room. I guess she’s was plotting evil ways to torture me because it’s only the first day of summer and I am grounded for like a whole week!

Grounded or not, I had to prove that an angel saved me so I went straight to my room, climbed out my window and headed back to the marsh. I found the spot in the mud where I woke up and I could see my footprints, one with a shoe, one without, walking through the mud and towards home, but I couldn’t find any footprints actually coming out of the marsh. Not mine or anybody’s elses. So either I flew out of the marsh and landed on the shore, or an angel carried me.

Right about then I heard my mom yelling to me. Actually, she was yelling at me. I tried to tell her about the footprints but she wasn’t listening. She had worked up a real good mad this time and she wasn’t listening to anything I was saying. Not that she ever stopped yelling at me long enough to get a word in edgewise. She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me back to the house muttering something under her breath. I don’t know what she was saying exactly but I knew it wasn’t good. The faster her lips moved the faster she walked, and the tighter she squeezed my arm. It really hurt.

She grounded me for like two more weeks and she even nailed my window shut! I didn’t mind that part so much; it was gonna take some time anyway for me to figure out how on earth I was going to find my guardian angel.

When I was finally ungrounded I figured it out. Proving there really was an angel wasn’t going to be nearly as hard as I thought it would be. It was actually pretty easy… all I had to do was die.

Looking back, that probably wasn’t the best plan I have ever come up with, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I climbed up into the hay loft of our barn and got ready to fly like a bird. I always wanted to fly. It must be so cool to not have to walk everywhere and just soar through the air and be able to see for miles. My flying plan only had one major flaw – two actually. The first problem was I should have picked a better day to fly. Getting ready to jump out of the hay loft on the same day my mother was hanging out the laundry was not the smartest idea I have ever had. I could hear her screaming at me as I was flying. Well, I wasn’t exactly flying, it was more like plummeting to the ground like a big rock.

The other problem my plan had was I jumped from the barn into a big pile of hay. At first I thought it might be a good idea to have a soft landing just in case my guardian angel was busy saving somebody else. But later I realized the angel didn’t show up because I wasn’t really in any trouble because I was only landing in a big pile of hay. Well, I landed into a lot of trouble with my mother, and even though she was threatening to kill me if I ever pulled another stupid stunt like that again, my life really wasn’t in danger.

Mom was mumbling something about putting me in a looney bin or something like that because it looked like I was trying to kill myself. Well, now that I think about it, I kinda was. I didn’t want to actually die die, I just wanted the angel to show up so I knew that I wasn’t going crazy. But I guess I didn’t look very good when I was talking about angels and dying and then I jumped off a barn.

While my mother was yelling at me I realized two things: First, she knew a lot of curse words. The other thing was I couldn’t actually try to kill myself to get the angel to appear. My angel showed up at the swamp because I died by accident and she saved me. If I tried to kill myself and actually got it right, that would be a sin. I don’t think angels are allowed to help people who sin. That means I would have stayed dead and I didn’t want to happen! So now I had to figure out a way to be in danger without actually putting myself in danger. My mother grounded me for like a whole month so I had lots of time to figure it out.

When I was finally ungrounded, again, I was no closer to solving that little problem than I was when I jumped off the barn. I couldn’t try to make the angel appear because life threatening stunts just won’t work. Not to mention I don’t think my mother’s poor nerves could take much more. I knew an angel saved me but there was nothing I could do to prove it.

The next day my mom and I were driving into town and one of them big transport trucks came out nowhere and slammed into our car. It was just like the day at the marsh when everything was rushing at me in slow motion!

I could see the truck coming and I even had time to look at my mother right before she backhanded me and drove her arm into my chest trying to push me back against the seat. It’s kinda funny how parents do that out of instinct to protect their children. The only problem is if the accident doesn’t kill us the force of their protection just might. It really hurt.

I remember watching the world outside the window change from the truck, to the sky, to the road, to the sky to the road. It felt like I was on one of those rides at the circus where they spin you round and round really fast like a spin top until you feel like throwing up. I remember my mother screaming and the sound of metal crunching and glass breaking. That was really loud. My mother’s screams were louder, so my ears were really hurting.

Next thing I remember I woke up in the back of an ambulance. I could hear my mother crying and some man talking to her. He must have been a cop or something because he kept calling her ma’am. Cops always call women ma’am. It must be the gun. In all the cop shows on TV, and even the old westerns, everybody who has a gun calls women, ma’am. Maybe it’s a rule or something you have to follow when they give you the gun.

I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, my ears were still ringing from all my mother’s screaming, but it kinda sounded like he said I was lucky because I was thrown from the car and landed on the grass.

He must be a rookie or something because he is definitely not a detective. For starters, it was raining so all the windows in the car were rolled up. If I was thrown from the car I would have been thrown through the window and I didn’t even get a scratch. Really – not one single scratch. The cops, the ambulance guys and even the doctors and nurses said I was the luckiest kid in the world because I never got so much as a scratch, but none of them ever stopped to ask why not? Why didn’t I get a scratch? How is that even possible?

It’s not possible… unless you have a guardian angel. I didn’t get to see her that time, probably because I passed out from all that spinning, but I know it was her. I just wish I knew her name. It feels wrong to have a guardian angel protecting you and you don’t even know their name.

I looked up guardian angels on the internet to learn more about them and read that angels are not really male or female. Well I don’t know about that because my angel was definitely a woman, and she was really pretty too. I found a bunch of angel names but I couldn’t pronounce any of them, but there was one name I recognized and that was Ariel. I knew that one from the Little Mermaid movie my kid sister watches over and over and over again.

So I named my guardian angel Ariel. I even explained to her that it was the best I could do and if she wanted to like show up and tell me her real name now would be a good time. She never showed up.

I used to talk to Ariel all the time. I figured if she was going to be hanging around just in case something bad happened, then the least I could do was let her know that I knew she was there. I never talked to her when my mom was around because she would have had me put in the looney bin, but one night when I was saying my prayers I said a special prayer to Ariel and that’s when I heard my mother say, “Who’s Ariel?”

I hate when she creeps up on me like that. Get a cow bell or something!

“It’s my guardian angel,” I told her.

She had that ‘Oh, I see’ look on her face. The kind parents get when they are trying to decide if youI should be institutionalized or given shock therapy. But, she just smiled and never said another word… until breakfast.

“I think maybe its time you spend more time with children your own age instead of playing with imaginary friends.”

My little sister Susan giggled. I looked up from my bowl of cereal and mom was looking at me!

“I don’t have imaginary friends.” I told her.

“Well I’m glad you say your prayers Míde, and I’m happy that you believe in guardian angels, but I think its time you…”

“Are you deaf? I don’t have imaginary friends!”

Okay, that came out a little nastier than I planned because she did that squinty-eye thing again.

“I’ve invited your cousin Josephine to come stay with us for the rest of the summer. You’re both the same age so it’ll be good for you.”

She invited Jo? I was speechless. Jo is… is… well she’s just mean. She’s nothing but an overgrown bully and a trouble maker. The last time she visited us she smeared honey on me and then hit a bee’s nest with a stick. It really hurt, and I was swollen for days! Of course, nobody believed me because Jo ran to get help and told them I did it. Mom must be getting desperate if she invited Jo to come stay with us. What did I do that got her so worried? Oh yeah, I went rafting, fell in the marsh, told her I died, said an angel saved me and then I jumped off the barn. That’ll do it.

Oh, and I started saying prayers to the angel that I named Ariel which probably sounded really stupid to her because the only Ariel she knew was that stupid little mermaid.

I wonder if angels can read minds cuz right about then I was telling Ariel to stay alert because she’s going to be pretty busy when Jo gets here.

“Are you insane? I don’t want Jo here!” I guess I wasn’t speechless after all, but I might as well have been because my mother gave me that shut up and eat your breakfast look. I wished it was bacon and eggs. I don’t really like cereal and if Ariel wasn’t keeping a watchful eye, this might very well be my last meal.

Later that afternoon Jo and her mother arrived. I didn’t think it was possible but Jo got even bigger. She was always a couple of inches taller than me, but now she’s at least a whole head taller, and what’s with all the black? Even her lipstick and eye shadow is black. It’s like a million degrees outside and she’s dressed in and wearing a leather jacket… with studs. This can’t be good. This can’t be good at all.

Can twelve year olds have a will? Maybe I should write mine out now. To my little sister I bequeath my Game-boy, all my video games and my CD collection. With my luck mom will find it before Jo gets me killed and she’ll really go off the deep end thinking it’s a suicide note. Ariel I hope you are paying attention because you are about to put in some serious overtime.

Dear Journal. I say journal because dear diary sounds so, you know, childish. It’s not really a diary anyway, it’s more like evidence. I need to keep a record of what happens so when the police are called I can use it to prove my innocence. Unless of course they are called to arrest Jo because she finally murdered me, then they can use it to put her in jail where she belongs.

Dear Journal, Day 1: Jo asks me to play basketball; I didn’t think she was the athletic type so I thought shooting some hoops would be safe enough. She then proceeded to bash me in the face six times with the ball until it made my nose bleed.

Day 1 – Just before dinner: Jo wants to play catch. At least I will have a glove to stop the ball instead of using my face. Of course, Jo throws the ball really hard so it hits the ground right in front of me and it bounces up and smashes me in the chest. That really, really hurt! It knocked the wind out of me and everything!

Day 1 – at the dinner table: Jo pulls the chair out as I’m sitting down and I land on my butt. That hurt too.

Day 1 – after dinner: Maybe I should mark these entries by the hour instead of the day. I think I am going to need a thicker journal.

Day 1 – after dinner: Jo wants to go swimming. I fake a stomach cramp and spend the rest of the day in bed. There is no way I’m going anywhere near water with that maniac. I already drowned once this summer and even Ariel won’t be able to help me survive Jo.

The next day mom came in, checked my temperature and told me to go outside and play with Jo because I was being rude. Imagine! I am being rude! Jo is doing everything she can to torture ME but I shouldn’t be rude while she does it! Maybe I should jump off the barn again and try to get grounded for the rest of the summer. This is the worst summer ever.

Dear Journal, Day 2 – Breakfast: Jo pulled the chair out from under me again just as I was sitting down. I’m gonna have to wear a pillow on my butt. This time mom actually caught her, but does she yell at her or ground her? No! She tells her that wasn’t a very nice thing to do and to not do it again. Big whoop! I’m sure she’s shaking in his leather studded jacket.

Dear Journal, Day 2 – After Breakfast: Jo wants to play in the hay loft of the barn.

Now to me playing means video games or maybe a makeover, not that I want that freak putting makeup on me because, well, just look at her. But to Jo, playing probably means something along the lines of maybe throwing me out the barn, or maybe burning the barn down with me still in it.

“Just be careful,” mom tells us. Be careful? I was being careful but you made me get out of bed. Mom wouldn’t let me go anywhere near the barn because she thought I would try flying again but now it’s okay because Jo wants to? Jo must be using some type of Vulcan mind-meld on her or something because this kid can get away with murder. And if Ariel isn’t paying attention, she just might.

“What’s up there?” Jo asks, pointing to the loft.

“Umm, nothing much, just a bunch of hay.”

“Let’s go check it out.”

“We better not, it’s not safe to be up there.”

“What’s the matter, is the little baby afraid of heights?”

“No, it’s just that…”

“It’s just that you’re a scaredy-cat.”

I hate when she calls me that. I’m not a baby or a scaredy cat…. Okay, maybe I am scared, but I’m not afraid of the loft. I just don’t know what Jo is going to do once she gets me up there.

That’s when I remembered that I did jump out of the loft so if I was brave enough to do that, I should be brave enough to handle anything Jo dishes out. At least that’s what I kept telling myself over and over again as I slowly climbed the ladder to the loft.

When I get to the top of the ladder Jo is lighting up a cigarette!

“Are you crazy?” I already know the answer to that question, I don’t even know why I asked her.

“What? You wanna puff?”

“No! You’re in a hayloft dummy! You could burn the whole place down!”

“Relax, don’t be such a baby.”

“I’m telling mom!” And with that I started to head back down the ladder. Next thing I know Jo grabbed me by the arm threatening to kill me if I tattle-tale on her. I jerked my arm free and she let go of me. I’m not saying she let go on purpose – I’m not saying she didn’t either – I’m just saying that as soon as I jerked my arm instead of holding me she just let go and I fell backwards. I can’t really remember what Jo was yelling to me because I was doing that rushing in slow motion thing again, only this time, everything was rushing away from me instead of towards me. Right up to the point where I slammed into the concrete floor. People are right about one thing; falling off a ladder does not hurt, but that sudden stop at the bottom? Now that hurt!

Amazingly, I was able to get to my feet so I ran into the house to tell my mother what Jo did. Just as I got to the barn door I looked back and saw Jo, still on top of the loft looking down where I fell, still yelling to me. I thought that was rather strange but, this is Jo we are talking about and I’m not waiting for Jo to climb down and get me so I ran into the house as fast as I could.

“Mom, Jo pushed me out of the loft!” Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration but I was really, really mad. It hurt! Not to mention if you give Jo an inch she’ll think of a way to blame everything on me and I’ll be grounded for like, forever.

“Mom, didn’t you hear me? Jo pushed me out of the hayloft!”

Why is she giving me the silent treatment?

“I’m afraid she can’t hear you.” a voice from behind me said.

Holy crap, I nearly jumped out of my skin! I looked around and there was Ariel standing behind me, looking as pretty as she always, and she’s talking to me. This is like so cool.

“Ariel, you’re real! Mom, look! It’s Ariel!”

“She can’t hear you, Míde.”

“Don’t be silly, of course she can hear me, I’m standing right here. Mom. Mom? Mommy?”

Just then Jo came crashing through the door screaming all hysterical like. I wasn’t the only one frightened by that, it made mom jump too and she dropped the plate she was washing and it smashed into a million pieces on the floor. If I did that I would have been yelled at for sure but not Jo, no she doesn’t even get… what in the world is Jo saying? I fell from the hayloft? Well of course I fell from the hayloft you maniac, you’re the reason I’m here to tell…. what do you mean you think I’m dead? Are you stupid or something, I’m right here! This is not funny!

“They can’t see you either.” I hear Ariel say. I’m glad she is so calm. Next thing I know Jo runs out of the house again with mom running behind her.

“Oh, this is just great. I finally get my angel to show up and everyone is acting like I am invisible!”

“You’re not invisible,” Ariel tells me.

“Well of course I’m not invisible. For a guardian angel I thought you would be a lot smarter.”

“They can’t see you Míde because you are dead.”

Hold the phone! Did she just say I was dead?

“Did you just say I was dead? How can I be dead?”

“Well, you did fall from the loft, dear.”

“I know that! I mean, how can I be dead, I thought you were supposed to be like my guardian angel! Why didn’t you guardian me, or whatever it is you do?”

“I am not your guardian angel.”

“Wait… you’re not? But I saw you, at the marsh. You carried me ashore.”

“Yes I did, but that does not make me a guardian angel.”

“What does it make you?”

“It just makes me someone who carried you ashore.”

“I don’t think I like your attitude. I’m going out to the barn.”

“I wouldn’t do that just yet.”

“And why not? It’s not like I am going to die of fright if I’m already dead.”

“No… but seeing yourself dead, and watching your family around you is very… painful.”

“So am I like an angel now and you are here to guide me to heaven or something like that?”

“Not exactly.”

“Not exactly? Did you take a course in being vague? What does not exactly mean?”

“I am not an angel, nor are you an angel.”

“Well if I’m not an angel then that means I am… I am a…”

“A ghost.”

Oh my God, could this day possibly get any worse!? First I get brutalized by Jo, then I get killed and now I’m a ghost? What exactly am I supposed to do now?

“So I guess it’s safe to say your name is not really Ariel?” I hate when she smiles like that, it sends shivers down my spine. Well, if I had a spine it would send shivers down it.

“My name is Annabelle.”

“Annabelle? That’s a funny name.”

“It was all the rage when I was born.”

“When was that? The 1800′s or something.”

“Well,” she smiled, “as a matter of fact…”

“Holy mackerel, that would make you like… like… really, really old!” I never was much good at doing math in my head.

“So Ariel…I mean, Annabelle… what am I supposed to do now?”

“I don’t know child. Some people stay behind as ghosts to right a wrong. Others stay to protect someone or something dear to them and some poor souls are just lost.”

“Can I just decide I want to go to heaven and that’ll be the end of the whole ghost thing?”

“I’m afraid I do not know.”

Well that was helpful. I looked at my hands and they looked the same to me. I thought maybe they’d be see-through or something; like when you see ghosts in the movies. But they look like normal hands to me. I tried picking up a glass and my hand went right through it

“Ariel… I mean, Annabelle… if I can’t pick up anything, how did you carry me out of the marsh?”

“It takes practice dear. In time you will learn how to control it.”

“Can I make myself appear so people can see me?”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“You’re being vague again.”

“If you concentrate they might see you. You have to remember that most people don’t believe in ghosts, so it’ll be harder to appear for them.”

“But I saw you… back at the marsh, and I didn’t believe in ghosts”

“You didn’t believe in angels either.”

Why do grownups always have to be so vague?

“So did you save me from the car wreck too?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Why? I don’t understand what you mean?”

“Why did you save me? If you were a guardian angel than it would make sense, but you’re not, you’re just a ghost, so why save me?”

“Just a ghost? My what a peculiar thing to say.”

She’s doing that smiley face thing again that creeps me out.

“I didn’t mean to be disrespectful, I’m just really, really confused. This whole dying and coming back from the dead as a ghost is kinda new to me.”

“That’s quite alright dear. Well, Míde I have watched you for quite a few years and have become quite fond of you. I do so enjoy your little adventures, though I must say, you have a tendency to put yourself in harms way quite frequently.”

“Umm, yeah. Wait… watching me for quite some time? So did you like follow me to school and stuff?”

“On occasion, yes I did.”

Okay that’s like really, really weird. I thought I had a guardian angel but I was really being stalked by a ghost.

“So… when I go to the bathroom and stuff?”

“Of course not dear, I do not follow you everywhere, and I do afford you privacy when it is needed and you would be wise to do the same for others. There are some things a young lady does not have to see so you mind your manners.”

Oh great. My body’s not even cold and I’m getting scolded by a ghost. I can’t win.

“Umm, how old were you when you died?”

“I was twenty three.”

“So you looked just like you look now?”

“Yes, of course.”

“So I will look like this for… that’s not fair!”

“What’s not fair dear?”

“I won’t ever kiss a boy, I won’t get married… I won’t even have boobies! Stop laughing at me it’s not funny!”

“I’m sorry dear. I know this is hard for you…”

“Why didn’t you save me?”

“What?”

“Why didn’t you save me? You saved me from the marsh and the accident only to let me die anyway. Why didn’t you save me when it really mattered?”

“I’m sorry, dear, had I known…”

“Had you known what? If you had of known my cousin the freak was a maniac you would have made closer attention? You spy on my for everything else but the one time I need your help you abandon me. I hate you!”

And with that I ran out of the house. I didn’t know how to open the door so I just ran right through it. It was a weird feeling having solid objects pass through your body. I don’t think I want to be doing that again. I really shouldn’t have yelled at Ariel… Annabelle, but it is true. The one time I needed her she wasn’t there. It’s not fair!

If was able to scuff my feet I would have, but I couldn’t so I just pretended to scuff my feet as I walked along. If I was able to breathe I would have been probably held my breath a few times. I should have been paying attention to where I was going because I ended up standing in the doorway of the barn. Ariel… I have got to get that name out of my head; Annabelle was right, I did not want to see this.

Mom was holding me in her arms crying. Even Jo was crying. I’m lying there and the back of my head is icky looking and red. I couldn’t help it, I had to feel the back of my head. Of course I couldn’t actually feel my head so I don’t even know what I look like as a ghost. Maybe I’m a hideous creature and that’s why Ariel…ugh…Annabelle asked me why would I want people to see me. Maybe my head looks like a smashed watermelon… I need to find a mirror. If I can see my own hands then I must be able to see my reflection. Of course the one thing this barn doesn’t have is a mirror. Maybe I can see myself in the window.

Oh my god! I look… I look…. well, I look dead, but I don’t look hideous. I’m actually kind of pretty. Funny, I never really considered myself pretty when I was alive. I guess I should go apologize to Annabelle. It wasn’t fair to yell at her like I did. It’s not her fault, I’m the one who fell off the ladder. I did wish she was there to catch me though. I guess being a ghost does have it’s advantages. I can’t think of any right now but I’m sure it does.

But there certainly are a few disadvantages to being a ghost. Well, there’s the whole dead thing, and then there’s the part where we have to learn how to do things. It’s like being in bloody school; I have to practice for hours everyday, and I can’t even take a nap or anything if I get tired. I didn’t know ghosts could get tired, but when I tried to lay down on the bed I sunk right into it… and then I fell through it and through the floor. It was like falling off the ladder only scarier. Of course, the fall from the ladder killed me but eventually I stopped falling. This time I fell through the floor, and since my bedroom was above the kitchen I landed right on top of the stove and fell through that too. I’m just glad we don’t have a basement because I didn’t stop falling until I was on lying on the ground. What an awkward feeling that was, lying on the ground with and entire house sitting on top of you.

Thankfully Annabelle explained it to me and said all I had to do is stand up.

Ghosts really are grounded because we can’t go any lower than the dirt and we can’t cross water. So when Annabelle rescued me from the Marsh she must of walked out in the water. Of course, she’s a lot taller than me and the marsh is only a few feet deep. She has been helping me a lot. As long as I think about things, like walking up steps, I can walk up them no problem. But if I get distracted and thing of something else I will fall right through them. It’s not easy having to think all the time. Annabelle said it gets easier with practice. I’ve been dead for a couple of days now and so far I’m not getting any better. How am I supposed to think about sleeping on a bed and sleep at the same time? It’s like I have to think all day just to do the things I could always do, and now I have to think in my dreams in order to get some decent sleep. I can’t remember how many times I would lie on my bed and kept repeating, ‘When I wake up I will be in my bed, when I wake up I will be in my bed,’ and then I would wake up with the bloody house on top of me again.

It’s quite frustrating. Especially when I’m trying to stand up and my little sister is always swinging her feet when she’s sitting at the table so I always wake up with her smelly feet kicking me in the head. It doesn’t hurt hurt, but it certainly feels weird when a human passes through you. I can’t actually smell her feet but it’s still gross.

The one time I did get it right so I didn’t fall through the bed was when Jo came in and laid down right on top of me. If I had a heart she would have given me a heart attack. She has no business being in my room! I don’t care if I’m dead, it’s still my room! Anyway, when I woke up that time I was expecting to see the house on top of me but instead I could see the inside of Jo’s face. I thought she was scary looking on the outside, you should see what she looks like on the inside. U-G-L-Y, Ugly.

Aside from the whole scaring-me-to-death thing, I did notice that when I screamed, she jumped up and covered her ears, so that means she heard me. That means I can really get inside her head. This is going to be so much fun.

Jo’s mom got a new job and she has to travel a lot so my mom gets the bright I idea to let Jo live with her and my little sister so she can go to school and stuff. I guess that was nice of her but my god, she like totally took over my room. She took down all my posters and put her own stuff up; it doesn’t even look like my room anymore. She’s really into the whole death and dying thing – that probably explains the way she looks and attitude. And if that wasn’t bad enough, she blares her music all the time from her boom box. I mean really, a boom box? Hello, like get an iPod or something with ear buds. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I just sleep in the attic now. It was either that or the barn, and I don’t like the barn. Every time I get close to the barn it feels like a giant magnet or something is pulling me in. It’s not actually pulling me, its more like I just feel like I should go into the barn, and when I get there, a bright light appears and it looks so pretty I just want to touch it. It kinda makes me feel like I’m a moth or something, and I know what happens to bugs when they touch a bug light.

Annabelle says the light is my doorway to heaven, but I’m not quite ready to risk that little adventure just yet. Besides, I’m starting to get the hang of this whole ghost thing so I thing I’ll stick around for a bit longer.

Not to mention my little sister is going to need some protection from cousin Jo, so I really need to stay a bit longer to make sure she is safe.

Annabelle just smiled and said, “So I guess that makes you the new Ariel.”

I guess it does.

Living in the attic has its good points. Actually, it kinda sucks. It’s really dirty and dusty and if I had allergies I would be sneezing all the time. To make matters worse, when I practicing moving things I have to make sure I put them back exactly where they were or else the dust will be proof that somebody was up in the attic. I think the whole thing is rather silly considering mom keeps the attic locked and nobody can actually get into the attic. There’s nothing up her but a bunch of silly old boxes and a locked trunk. I wish I knew how to pick the lock because I would love to know what’s inside. The next time I see Annabelle I’m going to ask her if she knows how to pick locks.

The cardboard boxes might as well be locked because until I get a hang of holding onto object, I can’t even open them. It’s not easy being a ghost; its hard work.

“Míde dear, what are you doing?”

“I’m trying to pick this lock Annabelle, but I don’t know how. Not to mention its not easy when I can’t properly hold on to anything for more than a couple of seconds.”

“Míde, why are you trying to pick the lock?”

I thought people back in the eighteen hundreds would be smarter than this.

“Because I want to see what’s inside.”

“Míde, instead of trying to pick the lock, why don’t you just stick your head in and look?”

I wonder if I looked as dumb as I felt. Well it’s an honest mistake! For twelve years I had to open things… I’m not used to just sticking my head into things. Not to mention it feels weird when solid objects pass through you, or you pass through them, or whatever it is. It just feels weird.

Oh look, there’s an old doll and a bunch of letters. I wonder if I can grab the doll? I stuck my hand in and concentrated really, really hard and I was able to pick the doll up. Finally I’ll have something to play with. I’m not really into dolls but if I don’t find something to do I’m going to die of boredom.

“It’s stuck!”

“What’s stuck, dear?”

“The doll. I can’t get it out.”

Annabelle is looking at me with that grown-up smirk on her face.

“I just did something dumb didn’t I?”

“What kind of doll is it, Míde?”

Why do grown ups always have to say things like it’s a question? Whenever they do that it’s like they are making fun of you because if they just tell you straight out they might laugh to hard. What kind of doll is it? What kind of doll is it?

“If I could get it out I could show you what kind of doll it is.”

“Look at this way dear, is it a ghost doll?”

“A ghost doll? No, it’s a real…” and that’s when my brain decided to catch up. Of course I can’t pull the doll out because it’s a real doll in a real trunk. I can be such a dummy sometimes. Mom always said I had too much imagination, I guess what that really meant was too much pretending and not enough common sense.

“So how do I get it out? And if you say open the trunk I’m going to scream.”

Annabelle just smiled and did something to the lock because the next thing I knew, the lock was opened.

“Now all you have to do dear is concentrate and you will be able to take the lock off the trunk and open the lid.”

I knew this was too good to be true. She can’t do anything without it being some kind of lesson. It took me an hour but I finally got it out. I can’t believe how tired I am. Concentrating is hard work.

I think I better check on my little sister before I take a nap, you never know what Jo might do next.

Oh my god, she has her dressed up like a… like a… what exactly is she supposed to be? It’s not Halloween yet, but the way Jo dresses and wears her makeup its hard to tell. I wonder if mom knows they used her favorite towel as a cape. Maybe Susan’s supposed to a super hero or something? Purple pants, pink leggings, orange top, yellow cape, black lipstick, blue mascara on one eye, green on the other… who’s she supposed to be, the crayon kid?

“You look silly Susan.”

“No I don’t, I look pretty.”

Hold the phone! Did she hear me?

“You look silly.” Hmm, maybe I’m just imagining things. That’s been known to happen with me. But I’m sure she heard me. I have to ask Annabelle the next time I see her. Where is Annabelle anyway? I never know when she’s going to pop in. Frightens me sometimes when I don’t expect it. Where on earth would a ghost have to go to? I know she can travel far because she followed me to the marsh and she was with me when the car crashed, and she said she sometimes followed me to school… I wonder how far I can go? Maybe I should follow her next time. Can a ghost hide from another ghost? Maybe I should just ask Annabelle?

“Ask me what dear?”

“Holy smokes will you stop doing that? Get a cowbell or something you’re gonna give me a heart attack!”

“I’m sorry Míde, I’ll try to moo next time.”

“How far can I go Annabelle?”

“How far can you go where, dear?”

I hate when she does that too. “How far can I go from, you know… here… the farm?”

“You can anywhere in the world you wish dear, once you learn how.”

“Will you teach me, Annabelle?”

“Not yet, you’re not quite ready.”

“I’m dead! How ready do I have to be?”

“There are a lot of bad spirits out there dear. Some don’t take too kindly to other spirits roaming around their haunting grounds.”

“What can they do? I’m already dead.”

And without any kind of warning, Annabelle stuck her hand in my chest. The next thing I knew I felt pain like I have never felt before. I let out a scream that would have woke the dead. I know, bad joke. Anyway, when she finally let go I was panting as if I was trying to catch my breath.

“What did you do that for?” I tried asking, but it sounded more like Whacha jew dat fur?

“To show you dear, that a ghost can be hurt. So don’t you worry about leaving the farm just yet.”

She didn’t have to tell me twice. I have got to learn how to do that! That little trick might come in handy someday.

I spent the next week trying to get Susan to hear me. She didn’t. I guess that first time was just a fluke. Or, maybe I just imagined it. As surprising as this sounds, Jo has actually been looking out for Susan. Yeah, I know, weird huh? I guess it was just a phase she was going through. She’s not nearly as mean to her as she was to me. She still plays practical jokes on her, but at least she’s not trying to kill her. Jo would actually make a good big sister. Don’t tell her I said that! I heard Susan tell mom that some bigger kids were picking on her and as soon as Jo found out she beat the other kids up. Jo got suspended for a whole week for fighting.

I wanted to follow Susan to school to keep an eye on her since Jo couldn’t, but Annabelle didn’t think that was a very good idea.  She was probably right because there wasn’t much I could do anyway if somebody did do something to Susan. It’s not like I could fight them like Jo did. I could of slipped inside their body and freaked them out, but that would have been a last resort because, well, it’s really gross.

Annabelle promised me she’d keep an eye on her for me. That was cool. So while everyone was off to school I practiced tormenting Jo. I would move things around on her when she wasn’t looking. It drove her nuts! I know it was mean but hey, she tortured me all the time and you know what they say about paybacks. Annabelle caught me once and scolded me. I’m dead and I still managed to get yelled at by adults.

Some days I just can’t win.

I grew bored of freaking Jo out so this one day I decided to follow Susan to school. It was Show and Tell day and I was dying to see what Susan was going to show everyone. The further I got from our house the weirder I felt. It was if I was being watched. When I passed the old graveyard that’s when things really got weird. I never like graveyards much and would never cut through it as a shortcut to school, but I thought: hey, I’m already dead so this should be a walk in the park. Boy was I wrong.

If you think graveyards are scary when you’re alive, when you are dead spooky graveyard takes on a whole new meaning. Through my eyes I could see lonely and desperate spirits creeping around the tombstones. I didn’t know if it was their grave or if they were waiting for someone else. It kinda creeped me out, especially when they looked at me. They didn’t have Annabelle’s warm glow and smile, these people looked downright mad. As if it was my fault they missed the last bus to happy-ever-afterlife.

Their eyes were dark and, well, lifeless. A few screamed at me and I did the only thing I knew how to do… I ran like the devil was chasing me. Too bad I wasn’t smart enough to watch where I was going because I ran right into the scariest ghost I have ever met. Okay, so maybe I haven’t actually met a lot of ghosts, but even if I did, this one would still be the scariest.

Oh, and when I said I ran into him, I really did. I passed right through him. The only problem was I didn’t come out the other side. I came out somewhere but believe me, it wasn’t anywhere near Susan’s school.

I could still see the graveyard but it looked different somehow. Darker and much, much scarier. I felt like I couldn’t breath and that’s saying a lot considering I’m a ghost. My ears were filled with the painful moans of what I can only describe as tortured souls. I tried to turn back but every direction I turned it felt worse. I was scared, alone and lost.

I don’t know how long I was lying on the ground crying but all I wanted was for Annabelle to come save me. But how could she? I snuck away without telling her. She wouldn’t even know where to begin looking. It was hopeless.

I cried some more until I heard something I never expected to hear… Jo. I looked up and saw Jo looking at me. I rubbed by eyes as if that would make a difference. I half expected it to be a dream, that she wasn’t real. How could she? I was dead and lost and she was alive and… and standing right there looking at me. She put out her hand and I took it. I felt a cold tingle and it was like I just sorta popped back into the real world. Well, what I considered to be the real world.

“Jo,” I asked her, “is that really you?”

She didn’t answer. Of course not, that would be way too easy. She just smiled and walked back to our farm. I followed her, constantly trying to get Jo to talk to me but she never did. Maybe I was doing it wrong.

When we finally arrived at the farm she went straight to my room. Well, I guess it’s technically her room now. Anyway, she sat on the bed for a really long time and then she said something I will never forget until the day I die… you know what I mean. Anyway, she was looking over my shoulder when she started to talk so I turned to see what she was looking at. That’s when I realized that she couldn’t actually see me and she was just looking in the general direction of where she thought I was standing.

I took a step sideways so she was looking at me, not that it really made a difference, but it was just weird having her talking to me but not looking at me.

Anyway, she said: “First Míde, we need to set some ground rules.”

Oh great, she’s bossing me around again!

“No more slipping into my body because it really freaks me out.”

I smiled a little. Okay, so I smiled a lot.

“Next,” she said, “I’m really sorry about what happened. I didn’t mean it.”

I wish she could hear me because I would have told her I knew it was an accident.

“I just want you to know,” she said, her eyes starting to get all wet, “that I love Susan like she was my little sister and I will never ever let anything happen to her.”

I believed her. I wish I knew how she knew I was in the room with her.

Then she said: “I guess you’re wondering how I know you’re here?”

Okay, that was a little freaky.

“Ever since that day in the barn I always felt like, you know, you were still with us. Sometimes I would get a tingly sensation, like a chill, when you were close to me. And other times my whole body would freeze up when you went through me, so please don’t do that anymore because it’s kinda gross.”

No arguments here.

“When things started getting moved all by themselves that’s when I knew you were still here, so I started reading up on ghosts and spirits and stuff.”

Here I thought I was being smart and Jo knew all along.

“And then I thought maybe I would try to talk to you on your own terms, so I went to the graveyard.”

Now that’s just wrong. I never even left the farm before so why would she go to the graveyard? That is so… so… what’s the word I’m looking for? Stereotypical?

“Anyway, as I was standing by your grave I swore for just a few seconds I could see you.”

My grave? She was standing at my grave? Is that why I felt so… lost? Because being at my own gravesite I was at some type of crossroads between this world and some other place?

“And I thought I saw you lying on the ground crying like you were lost.” Jo said to me, “I didn’t know if you were or not so I just kinda stuck out my hand to let you know I was here if you needed me.”

I hate to admit it but Jo was right. I did need her.

“Anyways, all of a sudden I got that tingly feeling I get whenever you’re around, and that’s when I knew we were going to be okay. I just wanted you to know that Susan asked me to help her with her Show and Tell project for school, and it’s all about you: Her big sister. Her favorite person in the whole world. She misses you so much… so do I.”

Now I was crying like a baby. I sat next to Jo on the bed. She must have sensed it because she turned to face me.

“I hope someday Míde, you will be able to forgive me.” She said through her tears.

I already did forgive her. I couldn’t tell her so I put my arm around her. She shivered and I knew she got my message.

Over the years I still played practical jokes on Jo, and every now and then Susan could sometimes hear me, but for the most part life went on as normal… well, as normal as can be expected under the circumstances.

I never went inside Jo’s body again. Well… except for that one time when she was fifteen and making out with this really cute guy. Well c’mon, what did you expect? I was just dying to know what it felt like to kiss a boy!